A hole in my arm as real as the day is long

 “Remember Bill from up on the hill?

A Cadillac put a hole in his arm

But old Bill, he’s up there still

Havin’ a ball rollin’ to the bottom.”

Neil Young, cerca 1975

I have a hole in my arm. It’s real as the day is long. I have not climbed a rock in many months. It’s sort of infuriating, especially since I have nobody to blame. I can’t even blame myself. Can I blame Obama?

Edit to add: Since I wrote the blog post I have been informed by two people. One person said this was the saddest post I have ever made. I didn’t even try for sad but it does get sadder because another person told me that I grossly underestimate the pain I am headed toward. The consensus among people that have gone through rotator cuff surgery is that it's a long and painful recovery 

Here’s the deal. The first week post surgery, exercise will be a two part scheme with equal parts  pain and popping pills. 

The second week will continue the activities of the first week but maybe add walking around gently as to not jostle my shoulder.

The third week I might be able to ride a stationary bike or walk but the pain and pill popping will continue. 

By the sixth week I can take off the sling but still it’s going to be seriously sore. By the time I can go on a regular hike, I will be hiking to the group therapy to deal with my opioid addiction. How’s that for sad? I know I am. I am kidding about the opioid addiction. 

I am serious that if you are on an inverted rock, real or gym, get a spotter. This shit’s not fun.

I get surgery on May 31st to rebuild my rotator cuff. The recovery process can take up to a year but the last few months should be minor, the inconvenience that certain lifting above the head can hurt. My doctor suggested I don’t drywall the ceiling until a year post surgery because lifting heavy things above my head might cause discomfort. I don’t know if climbing is like drywalling a ceiling  Unfortunately, it probably is. June and July of this year are going a suck a big one. There will be drugs and pain and I don’t like either. I will be in a sling for six weeks with little arm movement.  I won’t be able to put my hair in a ponytail and I really don’t want to cut my hair. Yeah, it’s silly.

In December I fell while bouldering indoors and I fell again in January. The first fall, my feet slipped off the wall and I fell about 8 feet onto my left shoulder. In January, when I slipped on ice while running. I had just got my arm out of a sling from the first fall. One minute I was upright and half a second later, I was ass over tea kettle. I landed on the same shoulder in pretty much the same way. It was probably the second fall that really tore me up to the point I won’t heal without getting cut open. Since December I haven't been able to raise my left arm over my head.

Redwall Cavern.

Raising your arm above you head is essential part of rock climbing.  Use a spotter in places like the photo on the left. Had I fallen, I would have landed on my left shoulder and torn my rotator cuff. 

I am trying to focus on the good news and sing a song in a shaky voice that is real as day is long. When my mind heads to a dark place, it helps a lot to look at the light at the end of the tunnel, even if the light is a complete figment of my imagination.

Consider chain type reactions.  They say in a crisis a man turns to what he knows best, murder to murder, thief to theft. I am a biologist so my mind turns to chain reactions, especially the starting point of the reaction. A seemingly meaningless photon of light hits a leaf and ionizes the enzyme chlorophyll, which transfers charge to a carbon dioxide molecule, which allows it to latch onto a water molecule, which sheds an oxygen molecule. The hydrogen in the water molecule forms a carbon hydrogen molecule called a carbohydrate. Once the chlorophyll transfers the energy from the light to the carbon dioxide it returns to its more stable energy state and awaits another photon. The process of photosynthesis occurs again and again until you have a redwood tree or even a redwood forest.  Huge things happen from actions that seem inconsequential.

With a messed up shoulder I can bowl or throw a javelin or lasso a wild horse if I knew how to lasso. I can binge watch TV. Kill me now  rather than initiate the chain reaction that starts with TV and ends with the comatose belief that reality TV is real. Everybody has a friend that says, “This reality show is real and not like the others!  Really.”

Mount Bullard, non technical mountain in Juneau.

jg

I couldn’t do archery if my life depended on it, I can’t wear hand cuffs or raise both hands above my head. The cops would shoot me if I weren’t white. I can’t scratch much of my back unless I use a stick. Just thinking about it makes me itch just beyond my right fingertips. I can’t climb a rock and I can’t row a raft. I call bullshit on John Wesley Powell’s claim that he rowed a row boat down the Colorado River, through the Grand Canyon, with one arm.

I was never good at the javelin.

About two to three months post-surgery, I should be able climb mountains as long as they aren’t technical. Once the bruising heals I should be able to run, provided I don’t step on ice and go ass over tea kettle again. I am thinking about a bike trip to Whitehorse next Labor Day. Who knows? These are my rescue, my lights at the end of the tunnel. Next winter I should be able to ski. It doesn't require this much hair. 

North Side of Mt Ben Stewart, Photo by Brooks Horan.

My guess is that John Wesley Powell hired a Navajo or a Paiute to oar for him and his guide knew the canyon well. Meanwhile JWP claimed to the first to see the Grand Canyon from the river up and he claimed that he oared the Colorado River with one arm. 

Rowboats simply don’t work that way.

I am going to the Colorado River in a raft in May but I am not going to oar. As soon as I get home, surgeons are slicing my shoulder and sewing it back together.  That’s for the best considering there is a hole in my arm.

I am wearing a sling in June and most of July and hopefully go running once the bruising goes down. There are some beautiful ridges to run in Juneau. Maybe if I am lucky, I can get in some mountaineering late summer. I won’t be climbing rocks until 2019. I’d like to make an icefield trip next August if we get some good weather.

Shadow of Split Thumb on north side of Observation Peak.

If you see a short haired guy wandering the Juneau Icefield this summer, yell and wave. I will try to wave back with my good arm.