Florida Wall

It may baffle some and it may sound outlandish but here me out folks, we need to build a wall around Florida, a great wall, and we need to get Cuba to pay for it, and it should be called the Florida-Trump Wall. There’s logic here really. Florida as y’all know is a beautiful place with coconut trees, beaches, and Everglades but it’s also flatter than a tortilla but tortillas are Mexican, not Cuban. We want to send to bill to Cuba for this wall, not Mexico, so let’s say that Florida is as flat as a panqueque, which is Spanish for pancake. Setting aside the question of which metaphor best describes Florida, a pancake or a tortilla, there are no lines on the topographic of Florida and that creates a problem. Water from the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean threatens Florida and the water doesn’t have documenting papers. It’s an invasion. There is an incredible disparity in geography between Cuba and Florida and this makes Florida vulnerable to rising seas. Cuba has its own coconut trees and beaches but it is mountainous and that means the sea ain’t gunna swallow it whole. Unlike the map of Florida, the Cuba topographic map is a labyrinth of concentric lines so confusing it must have been drawn by an intellectual.  The sea is rising because of climate change which is a Chinese hoax and the Chinese are commies just like the Cubans.

Cuban topography also means the rock climbing in Cuba vastly supersedes anything in Florida. Cuba should pay for the wall around Florida out of jealous spite.

Viñales Valley, Cuba

Some intellectuals might ask why climate change is a hoax when the earth really is getting warmer and the seas really are rising but these are questions that are no longer relevant. Climate change is fake news because fake news is defined as anything complicated enough that a lazy mind finds confusing.  That the climate is changing even though climate change a hoax is a paradox that is solved by distracting the public with mindless reality shows that aren’t even remotely close to being real.  We don’t like intellectuals because they are the sort of sissies that make fun of the football players for their head injuries. However, we LOVE billionaires and have firmly reestablished the American tradition of allowing the richest people to make the poorest people to pay for things they don’t want or need. Middle class Americans pay for US wars to increase profits for oil companies and their taxes also pay the oil companies outright subsidies.   The oil companies don’t pay taxes and the middle class get trickled down upon.  It’s only fair to extend this this golden shower to Cuba.

Rich people forcing poor people to pay makes America great again. Cuba needs to step up and pay for the fact that they have mountains but Florida did not. Che Guevara waged a guerilla war in the Cuban mountains knowing that one day those mountains could be used to combat rising seas. We don’t like Che even though he had a cool hat and a motorcycle. 

Developing nations should pay for expensive projects that they don’t want. I have heard the people of Beverly Hills are going to hold a lobster bake and they are going to get Ethiopia to pay for it. Don’t blame Beverly Hills for the fact that Ethiopia invented coffee but failed to get a patent on it.  I have also heard that I don’t need to verify anything I might have heard as long it supports my preconceived notions, including the alternative fact that wanton greed is good for all. I have heard that Jesus taught this.

       

                                                               

The Florida-Trump Wall will start just southeast of Tallahassee and go all the way around the Florida Gulf Coast and up the Atlantic to just south of Savanna, Georgia. Among other things, the Florida-Trump Wall protects Trump’s Mar a Lago and I have heard that Trump does not have the cash to pay for his own wall.  He doesn’t have enough money to pay taxes.  Tallahassee and Savanna don’t deserve to be protected from rising seas because they are bunch of liberals. None of them work and they suck off the gubmint tit. We need to engineer a way to get to ocean to swallow Austin, Texas for the same reason but that’s another engineering project and I don’t want to be silly. Let liberals drown or learn to swim and make Ethiopia pay for the swimming lessons.

We can do this people! Those commie Cubans sit smugly in their elevated topography while Florida worries the next hurricane could wash right over Key West. If Cuba won’t pay, we can aim nuclear missiles at Havana. We have done that before and the Cubans didn’t mind at all. I have heard.

Cimarron, Cuba